It’s that time of year again… everything around us is changing… the leaves are turning bright and beautiful before dying and falling from the trees. Your skin starts to switch from dewy and sunkissed to fair and flakey. You even notice your friends and family look a little gaunt and pale. Are they changing, too? Wait a minute, they don’t just look pale, they look dead…UNDEAD! THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS HERE!!!
Now you have more to manage than just dry skin! You have to protect your brains! Follow this step by step guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse - Rocky Style.
Strong healthy skin is your first line of defense when it comes to protecting yourself against zombie bites. Our Transformative Cleansing Oil will never strip your skin of its natural sebum barrier. Strengthening the skin’s barrier encourages cell growth- essentially the opposite of the zombie viruses’ intent. It will also help to lock in moisture, ensuring your skin won’t flake and crack, leaving you more susceptible to zombie infection. Transform your skin to healthy to avoid transforming into a zombie.
A study done at Cornell University suggests the Canadian Rocky Mountains are the best place to survive a zombie apocalypse, as they are remote and sparsely populated, so you may have to travel to safety. This is where your Zombie Repellent Soap comes in. Are you traveling from a great distance? You will have to move through some heavily zombied areas. Be sure to take a long, hot, relaxing shower before you leave. Lather yourself from head to toe in Zombie Repellent, taking time to bask in the stimulating scent of fennel and anise, after all, this might be your last shower in a long time.
Once you have located an ideal camp, preferably at a fairly high altitude with excellent vantage points. It’s time to start gathering supplies. Along with your standard survival necessities: tents, sleeping bags, dry food, technical outerwear etc. we recommend stocking up on Dry Skin Butter. According to the Zombie Research Society, there would be virtually no zombies five weeks after the initial outbreak (assuming the virus spreads quickly). So, you’re about to spend over a month outside in the mountains. Unscented Dry Skin Butter will keep your skin moisturized and protected from the harsh elements. Survival is the main goal, but you may want to keep some of your creature comforts close, because, sanity.
You survived the initial outbreak! Well done! It’s time to be on the move to look for other strong survivors like yourself. Ideally, towns and cities should be cleared of zombie infestations as most of them will have wandered off in search of fresh brains, however, there may be some stragglers. It doesn’t hurt to wash with more Zombie Repellent. Plus, you want to feel fresh for your first encounter with other humans in over month, right?!
Find a safe haven with your new found friends and start recolonizing. This part is up to you, but, we think a little Serenity Massage Oil might help you relax now that you’ve found refuge
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